


Key Lime Tart and Hot Chocolate

by TwilightConfessions



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Romance, Daydreaming, Drunkenness, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gentle Kissing, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lost Love, Mild Hurt/Comfort, My First AO3 Post, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), R&R, References to Depression, References to Friends (TV), Slow Burn, The Big Bang Theory (TV) References, True Love, dream - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightConfessions/pseuds/TwilightConfessions
Summary: When love and life aren't timed well, pain results. This is a story of one such result.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character





	1. Wading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my very first post on Archive of Our Own. I hope you'll enjoy, and if so, a kudos is always appreciated, and perhaps even a comment. Happy reading!

Amal sighed as she pulled into the café parking lot. She pulled off her headscarf. Usually, she wore a headscarf, but some days, like today, she felt a bit hopeless. And this café was the only place in the city that she would go without it on. It was small enough that she could see everyone in it in case she knew someone. And it was big enough that she could just float into the background and people watch. And she had become friendly with the baristas.

It was in the 40s outside tonight and she pulled her coat closed. The walk to the café was not short. Her high heeled boots clicked on the ground as she walked. She walked swiftly. This was not a good part of town to be dawdling. There was a homeless camp just across the street from the café. She had never encountered any trouble from them before, but she didn’t care to push her luck.

She walked swiftly and small white particles started to descend. She stopped midstep-shocked. It hardly ever snowed in Houston. It was magical. She almost wanted to stay outside so as not to miss the magical moment. But just as soon as it began, it stopped. Maybe it was the beginning of some freezing rain, she thought as she high-tailed it into the café.

She pulled open the heavy door and was greeted with a blast of warmth and the invigorating smell of coffee. And the sickly sweet smell of wine. This café became a hub for wine drinkers in EaDo. And it had amazing desserts, pastries, and food. It really was a perfect spot to cater to everyone.

She neared the dessert display and unbuttoned her coat. She pushed her long wavy black hair away from her face behind her ear. “Amal, welcome back!” said a friendly voice. She looked up. It was Marcie.

“Hi Marcie, thanks! It’s cold outside!”

“Yes, it’s the perfect night for a hot chocolate. Can I ring that up for you?”

“Yes, and a mini key lime tart please.” She pulled out her phone to use Apple Pay. It was so much easier than paying with a credit card.

She handed Amal the key lime tart and told her her drink would be ready shortly. Amal went to sit at the bar close to the barista station. People didn’t normally sit there, and she could have her back to the rest of the café. Just how she liked it. She liked to watch the order and precision with which the employees of the café worked. For some odd reason, the order helped to calm the chaos in her mind. Her life had been one hectic mess after another for the past year. Her marriage had fallen apart, she had started a new and very demanding job, and she had had to find a new place to live all within the span of six months. And the six months leading up to the failure of her marriage had been a hellish experience of dealing with a crazed Indian mother in law who lobbed insults as a hobby.

Amal shook her head. She didn’t need to think about that woman anymore. She thanked God that she never had to deal with that woman again. She was not pregnant, and she did not live in the area. She literally had no reason to see her again.

“Amal!” called the barista. She made to get up, but a new barista brought it to her. His name tag said Joe.

“Thank you, Joe,” Amal said with a sincere smile in his direction.

“No problem,” he said with a returned smile, then turned to his station.

Amal looked down at her hot chocolate and saw a beautiful swan in the foam. She smiled. She hated to mess it up while drink and she attempted to sip it carefully, laughing at herself in her head at her foolishness.

As Amal set down her cup, she heard a distantly familiar voice coming closer. She was sure she imagined it. But then he laughed and Amal almost choked. She tried to cough silently, and very nearly succeeded. Joe noticed. “Are you ok?”

Amal nodded, her face turning a particularly bright shade of red. She wasn’t sure how she wanted to handle this. Noah was here. He was close. It seemed like he was right behind her. If she turned around, she was sure to run into him. Her best bet was to just stay where she was and hopefully Noah would go sit in the lower portion of the café. And she could enjoy her hot chocolate and mini tart in peace.

Unfortunately, as had always been the case with him, God appeared to not want to give her a break. For God’s sake, her ex-husband’s and Noah’s birthdays had been on the exact same day. She still could not get over that. As she hoped against hope there wouldn’t be anymore divine jokes on her, Noah chose to sit at the same bar she was at, a chair down. She brought her hair forward to cover her face. He wouldn’t recognize her. He could, if he looked hard enough, but without a headscarf, she blended in well. She was pretty, and men did give her a second look, but not in the same way as with her headscarf.

She sipped, still trying in vain to preserve the beautiful art. She no longer tasted it though. Neither did she taste the tartelette. Noah chatted with Joe and Marcie. Marcie said something to make him laugh. His laugh made her clench her jaw. It was the same damn laugh. God dammit. She had never seen him here and while, of course, it would make sense that he would come here—it was a popular spot—why today? Of all days? He had a child. Why was he here at 10:30 pm?

A man breezed up to my left and asked Joe something. He responded, and Joe gave him a glass of wine. As the man began to leave, he paused.

“Hello, beautiful. Is this seat taken?” a charming voice asked me. Confused, I looked up to my left. It was, what I term, a frat bro. He was handsome, but he looked arrogant.

“No, it’s not taken,” Amal responded, and tried to go back to her drink.

“Can I buy you a glass of wine?” he pushed, taking the seat right next to her and bringing it closer than she wanted.

“Thank you, I’m very flattered, but I’ve already got my drink,” Amal said, raising her hot chocolate.

“I’m Sean, what’s your name?” Amal decided he was just a tad pushy. Maybe also a tad tipsy if the strong wine breath was any indication.

“Amal,” she responded, while flashing him a quick shallow smile. “Look, Sean, I’m flattered really, but I’m just here to drink my hot chocolate and head out. I’m not here to meet anyone.”

“Things change if you find the right person,” he quipped and winked at her.

Amal mentally rolled her eyes. Freaking frat boys. “I’m sure you’re someone else’s right person. Not mine.”

“Are you married?”

“Yes,” Amal answered without hesitation and internally winced. It was instinct.

“Then where’s your wedding ring?”

“I forgot it at home.”

“I call bullshit.”

Amal clenched her jaw. Really? She was going to have to be stern with him?! “Sean, please, I’m trying to have a quiet evening by myself. There are probably many other women in here who would love to chat with you.” Amal hoped this one last chance at being nice would finally get to him. It didn’t.

“Oh but, you’re the prettiest one in here,” he crooned leaning forward, his face mere inches from hers. She almost gagged on the strong wine breath.

“Leave her alone, man. She said she wants to be alone. Go hit on some other chick.” Noah’s voice shocked her and left her momentarily paralyzed.

“And just who are you? Don’t butt in to our conversation and mind your own business,” Sean snarled.

“Can’t you tell she doesn’t want to have a conversation with you?” Noah pushed, and she could hear the heat rising in his voice. He wasn’t normally one to get upset at someone so quickly.

“Sean, he’s right. I don’t want to have a conversation with you, or with anyone. It’s nothing to do with you. Honest,” Amal quickly tried to explain in an attempt to keep the pissing contest at bay.

“Listen you little—” Sean began menacingly.

“Hey!” Noah barked and roughly scooted his chair back.

Oh my lord, Amal thought to herself, and almost covered her face. She could never come back again. “Noah!” she exclaimed, trying to get him to stop.

He stopped and looked right at her. The first time. In 10 years. It was the first time in 10 years she had seen him. Anywhere. And he was now just three feet from her. Her breath hitched. His eyes were the same. His face was the same. It was like the damn man hadn’t aged one bit in 10 years. Or if he had, he had only gotten more handsome.

She found her voice. “Noah, I can take care of him.”

“Yes, let’s leave this guy,” Sean said as he clapped a hand on her wrist and she yelped in surprise. He tried to pull her up and in her shock, she stumbled out of her chair. She was mad now.

She twisted her wrist out of his grasp easily, as her father had taught her, and eyed Sean warily. “Get lost, before I call the cops,” she threatened.

“You bitch,” he seethed. It seemed she had spilled his wine on him during her escape.

Noah appeared out of nowhere, and momentarily blocked her view of Sean. Amal was sure he was going to punch him when she heard Joe say, “What’s going on here?!”

Amal turned to Joe, relief spread across her face. “Joe, please, this man,” she motioned to Sean. “Grabbed me and tried to drag me away!”

“Get out,” Joe said immediately, frowning at Sean.

“She’s lying!” Sean protested, but put his wine glass down. The conversation in the café had died down and everyone was looking at them all.

“No she’s not,” Noah said, his voice low and dangerous. Amal hoped he didn’t have his knife on him. “This asshole first tried to drag her away and then cussed at her when she wouldn’t go with him.”

Marcie approached. She was the manager. “Sir, please get out before I’m forced to call the police and make a complaint about you. Let me call you a cab. Joe, escort him outside to wait for the cab.”

Sean narrowed his eyes at me as Joe approached. “Give it a rest man,” Joe said as he led him toward the front door.

Amal released the breath she had been holding, and closed her eyes momentarily, trying to regain her bearings. Her hot chocolate was no doubt cold now, and her half eaten tart looked sad. She clenched her jaw. All she wanted was a relaxing evening. Where the hell did Sean come from?!

She began to pick up her items, intending to leave when Marcie came by. “Amal, don’t leave. I’m so sorry about him. I’ve ordered you another hot chocolate and brought you a Tres Leches pot, I know you like those.”

Amal smiled a tired smile in Marcie’s direction. “Thank you.” Amal took her seat again, and tried to figure out what to say to Noah. If she should say something. Should she say thank you? Should she say that she could’ve taken care of it herself and he didn’t need to come riding in like a knight in shining armor? That last one was too confrontational, she decided.

Joe brought her the hot chocolate, this time with a tulip for latte art. “Thank you, Joe,” she said with a quick smile in his direction.

“You’re welcome. So, do you two know each other?” Joe asked, amicably. She looked up at Joe woodenly, wanting to throttle him. She knew she shouldn’t be mad at him. He had no way of knowing.

“Old college classmates,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“We dated then she dumped me,” Noah added icily, then took a casual sip of his, what she assumed, was a latte.

Amal let out a short breath and Joe turned curious eyes toward her. “Why did you dump him? Was he too overprotective?” he whispered comically.

Amal barked out a short laugh. “No, he was not.”

“She found someone better,” Noah quipped, casually again.

This time, Amal turned to face him, exasperated. Noah just looked forward, casually drinking his damned latte. “Noah, can we keep the editorializing to a minimum? I don’t even know Joe.”

“I do. He’s a nice guy.”

“Thanks man!” Joe said with a wide smile. “So, why’d you break up? I mean, I get it, she’s much hotter than you, so she found someone hotter?”

Amal blushed crimson. “Joe, I am ten years older than you. Rein it in,” she commented with a wry smile. This was spiraling.

“I don’t know if he’s hotter. Is he hotter, Amal?” Noah asked, finally turning those dark eyes on me. They held none of the usual twinkle of laughter they used to hold whenever he would look at her. She scoffed internally. It had been 10 years. Of course, things have changed dramatically. He even has a child now.

“Amal? Is he hotter?” Joe pushed.

I sighed loudly. “Joe, I don’t know.”

“How do you not know?”

“Joe, please, it was a long time ago, and obviously, Noah is just doing this to irritate me. It seems it’s his pastime.”

Noah scoffed but said nothing. Amal’s temper was rising.

“Ok, Joe, let me tell you something. I don’t know if the second guy was hotter, but he was a hell of a lot more considerate. You know what Noah did once? I arranged for a surprise birthday party with all his friends and—”

“Wow, you still have not let that go, have you? Well, Joe, let me tell you what she did. She cheated on me, then broke up with me, then had brunch with my MOM to explain.”

Amal’s mouth dropped in shock. How could he go there? She closed her mouth and took a leisurely spoon out of her Tres Leches to hide her anger. Asshole.

Joe’s face wrinkled in distaste. “His mother? Why would you do that?”

Knowing that they were far down the rabbithole, she decided she may as well be honest. “Let me spell out a timeline for you, Joe. It’s 2006. Yes, don’t look so shocked, I know you were in middle school then. It’s 2006, and April. Senior year of high school. My mom passes away. Then, it’s August, I’m starting college, and in November, I get introduced to Noah here, who… makes a large life change.”

Before Joe can ask, Amal lifts up a hand. “I’m not going to elaborate. It’s not essential to the story. Then, I’m FORCED, I tell you, FORCED to meet his mother under very difficult, I am not lying, VERY DIFFICULT circumstances. And it turns out, she’s like my mother. She’s sweet, and kind. And we started dating in 2007, and dated for roughly two years. And, well, during that time, I began to really enjoy being around her. So, when… our relationship was ending,” Amal motioned to Noah. “I didn’t want to leave her in the lurch, so I had brunch with her, and told her to look out for Noah, because we had been dating and he might be feeling some emotional upheaval. And that she was an amazing influence in my life. And… well many things.”

“You lied to my mom,” Noah accused.

Joe’s eyes widened. “You did?”

“This is a technicality.”

“Joe, let me tell you one thing. She’s a lawyer. So now, take everything she says with a grain of salt.”

“Will you just—” Amal turned to him, and he turned to look at her. Amal had been full of righteous indignation, but, his eyes, they looked so angry. And she knew that the reason he would still be angry would be that he was still hurt. She hadn’t truly apologized yet. In ten years. Amal closed her eyes and turned back to her drink. She sipped it. “Joe, this is good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He turned to Noah. “Look man, sounds like it was a long time ago. Forgive and forget, huh?”

Amal almost hoped that would be it, but she wasn’t so lucky. “She hasn’t yet apologized.”

Amal wanted to correct him and tell him that she had indeed apologized and he had been an asshole about it. But, decided that was the coward’s way out. And, she admitted, that had been a sloppily worded apology, and it seemed he wanted her to shoot from the damn hip, according to his written response.

“Oh come on, Amal, apologize to the man. You obviously broke his heart,” Joe defended Noah.

“She did not—”

“Look man, you’re still mad ten years later? She broke your heart. Don’t lie.” Noah was silent. The entire situation would’ve been laughable had it not been so emotionally tense. Joe was basically acting like our relationship counselor and it was hilarious in a sad sort of way.

“Noah, I’m sorry,” I gritted out. Then quickly finished my dessert. I had only a few more sips of my hot chocolate and then I would be out of this nightmare.

“See? She said she’s sorry.”

“She hasn’t said what she’s sorry for.”

Amal clenched her jaw.

“Noah, man, that’s just a powertrip you’re on now.”

She heard Noah take a breath to argue with him, but no sound came out. She quickly gulped down as much of the hot chocolate that she could, then hurriedly put it down. “Thanks, Joe. I’ll be going now.”

“Let me walk you to your car. That guy refused to get in the taxi, so I’m not entirely sure he’s gone,” Joe offered.

“I’m ok,” Amal said tiredly. “I have pepper spray. I’ll keep my hand on the trigger.”

“I don’t think—”

“Joe, I’ll walk her,” Noah interrupted, as he downed his own drink. “Thanks for the coffee man. It was good. See you next week.”

Amal buttoned up her coat as she tried to decide whether she wanted Noah to walk her to her car. In truth, she would feel immensely safer, physically. Emotionally was another matter.

“Amal, you ok with that?” Joe asked, cautious.

Amal looked up at Joe with a smile. “Yes, thank you. Have a good night.”

“You too.”

Amal turned and started to walk quickly to the door, forcing Noah to speedwalk to catch up to her.

“Slow down, Amal,” Noah said as he pushed in front of me to open the door. Always the damn gentleman. Until he’s not, she thought.

“Thank you,” Amal mumbled reflexively. The wind pushed her forward and she caught herself on the railing, and pulled her coat tighter. She started walking, when a hand on her arm stopped her.

“Wait, give me a minute,” Noah said as he took out his cigarettes.

Amal almost huffed. “Really? I have to stand here in 40 degree weather to wait for you to have a smoke? Goodbye Noah,” she said before turning around.

“That’s not it. I wanted to say something to you,” he protested, his hand on her arm again. She cursed her heart. It made her make all the wrong choices when it came to him. Then, and it would seem, now as well.

Amal turned and crossed her arms over her chest. “Let’s make it quick. I’m freezing my ass off here.”

“If you were wearing your scarf, I’m not sure you would be freezing your ass off,” he quipped, not looking at her.

“Look, you self righteous—”

“You’re the one who’s self righteous,” he argued, finally meeting her eyes again. He paused. He saw hurt in her eyes. Real hurt. He had touched a nerve. He let out a long breath, downwind from her. She was always so sensitive to cigarette smoke. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything like that. Whatever you want to wear is up to you.”

She released a sharp breath through her nose. “Thank you. And for your information, I do normally wear it. Sometimes, I feel… rebellious so I come here and don’t wear it.”

He nodded. “Makes sense. There’s much worse things you could do to rebel, that’s for sure.”

Amal leaned on the railing, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say. Surely that jab about the scarf wasn’t it.

“Listen, Amal. I’m sorry. He’s right. It was a stupid power trip. I'm... I was just so… mad…” he trailed off and they stood in silence.

She had a burning question, but she decided against asking it. She didn’t need to ask why he was still mad. He was still hurt. And why was he still hurt? Well, she wasn’t going to go down that line of thought. It was dangerous. “Thank you. And thank you for, you know, with that guy. Although, you didn’t have to.”

“Oh yes, you and your pepper spray and your karate.” He almost surely rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Excuse me, I didn’t ask to be rescued! I can take care of myself!” she protested hotly. He always made fun of her, and it irked her. Once he twisted her arm trying to see if she could get out of it, and the problem was, the only way she knew how to get out of it would have been inflicting damage on his face or kneeing him where the sun don’t shine—neither of which she was going to do. So, in his eyes, she was bluffing. It pissed her off.

“Oh yes, the great Amal never needs to be rescued, never needs anyone, I forgot,” he announced sarcastically.

“Why are you being such an asshole? You are all over the damn place tonight! First, you almost punch a guy—”

“He called you a bitch! What are you getting mad at me for?” His eyes flashed at her.

“I expected you to handle it like a professional. You’re a psychiatrist. You know how to deal with the likes of a drunk frat boy! And it doesn’t involve punching anyone!” she responded hotly.

“How’d you know I was a psychiatrist?” he changed the subject abruptly.

“Same way you knew I was a lawyer. Through the grapevine.”

“You know I hate lawyers, right?”

“Yes, I saw it once on your facebook before you blocked me.” She winced. She wasn’t wanting to bring up him blocking her, and definitely not in that bitter tone.

“You blocked me first, by the way. And I blocked you when I got married.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yes, your wife and I have multiple facebook friends in common. That’s how I know you have a kid. Congratulations by the way. I haven’t checked her Facebook in a little while, but I’m sure he or she is cute.”

“She is really cute,” he agreed. “Do you want to see a picture?”

Amal would have wanted to say, no, but she knew that was very rude, especially as it concerned someone’s child. “Sure,” she answered. “But quickly. I’m really freezing out here.”

He showed her a picture on his phone of a very adorable infant. “She is very cute,” she responded sincerely. She looked like she had the cutest little cheeks. “What’s her name?” she asked involuntarily, then instantly regretted it. She didn’t want to know her name. She didn’t. When she had first heard that he was getting married, she cried. Then, she accidentally found out he was having a child, and she felt empty inside for a few days. Knowing her name would make it real. And dammit, she didn’t need anymore emotional roller coasters.

“Haley,” he answered with a loving smile while he looked at her picture, then put away his phone.

“That’s a nice name,” she commented absent mindedly. Her teeth were starting to chatter. She was really cold. He had finally finished his damn cigarette. “Hey, can we get a move on? Work tomorrow and all,” she mentioned nonchalantly while wincing inside. She had to be back in the office in less than 6 hours. Tomorrow was going to suck.

“Yes of course. Thanks for listening to me,” he said as he flicked his cigarette away and walked toward the ramp down. “Where’d you park?”

“Around the corner of the building?”

“And you were going to walk by yourself? Wow, you really haven’t changed, have you? Still taking unnecessary risks?” She couldn’t tell if he was joking, or serious, or jabbing, or mad. Instead, she ignored it, and walked faster.

They walked in silence to her car. “Which one is yours?” he asked.

“The red SUV,” she answered, reaching forward to unlock the door. Before she opened the door, she turned around to face him. She pursed her lips, trying to figure out what she wanted to say in her farewell. If history taught her anything, she wouldn’t see him again for ten years. “Well, thanks for walking me. I’ll see you around.” It was weak, she knew but what else was she going to say?

“Yea, no problem. See you,” he responded hesitantly as he opened her car door for her. She climbed in and turned it on.

“Where’s your car?” she asked suddenly.

“Just right there,” he motioned with his head toward a cluster of cars.

She nodded. “Okay thanks. Drive safely.”

“You too,” he responded, then closed the door. He turned to walk to his own car, and that was that. No smiles, no laughter. Just emptiness.


	2. Treading

Work the next day was brutal, as expected, and Amal went home, and collapsed on her bed, quickly falling asleep. She dreamed of Noah, as she feared she would, and she woke up disgruntled. She cursed him. What the hell. She wouldn’t go to that café anymore. She would find a different café. But then, another thought came to her. Why should she pick a different café? Why should she change her life because he might pop into the same café? Maybe just change the day. Go on Wednesdays instead of Thursdays. Perfect. Hump day. And that’s exactly what she did.

The following Wednesday, she did what she always did. She removed her scarf, and waltzed into the café. She ordered her usual key lime mini tart and hot chocolate, and settled to read some fiction on her phone. She was calm. She was content. Someone sat beside her. She paid that someone no attention.

“Back again?” the man next to her said and she very nearly screamed in frustration.

Noah. Why was he here? It wasn’t Thursday. What the hell?! On the outside, she was calm and collected, and sipped her hot chocolate, decorated with concentric hearts. “Yep,” was all she said.

“Why do you come here?”

“For the quiet.”

He was silent for a few minutes after that. She was grateful. She could almost forget he was there. Almost. But not quite. She had to read the same sentence four times before she could understand what it said.

“What are you reading?” he quipped. Obviously, he was not getting the hint.

“A story. Magic. Wizards. Things you’re not interested in.”

“How do you know I’m not interested in those?”

“Are you?” He wasn’t.

“Not particularly.”

Silence.

He retrieved his latte, and took out his phone, scrolling through it.

She looked up from her phone, to her right. He was scrolling Instagram. She didn’t know he had an Instagram. Maybe he had blocked her there too? She rolled her eyes. Figures.

She tried to read more of the fantasy romance, but she was too distracted. He smelled the damn same. It pissed her off. What the hell?! She demanded of her mind. It wasn’t fair. He is just a man. A very average looking man. With a nice smile. A quick wit. Creativity to the nines. Shut. Up. Get back to reading. The wizard is about to encounter the princess.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, kicking herself.

“Just scrolling through social media. TikToks are blowing up. You ever do one?”

“No.”

Silence.

“Are you meeting someone? Do you normally come here to scroll social media?” She cursed herself and her damnable curiosity. Why do you even give a shit?!

“I stop by on my way home to decompress after work.”

“Hmm.”

“Sounds like that’s what you do,” he added, trailing off.

“Sometimes.”

“Work difficult?”

“Sometimes.”

“I have patients who are lawyers. It sounds like it really sucks. Your clients can be asses.”

“My clients who are asses are usually doctors,” she joked. Then clenched her jaw. No. She was not joking with him.

He laughed under his breath. “I can see that.”

More silence.

She finished up her drink and tartelette and sighed inwardly. Usually, she’d sit for about 30 minutes to 45 minutes. But with him here, that simply was not possible. She couldn’t relax. “So… this is going to be an awkward question, but could you possibly tell me what days you come, so I can perhaps… I don’t know… avoid them?” She was astounded at her boldness. Kudos.

His eyes widened and looked up at her. “You’d change your schedule to avoid me?”

Whatever she expected him to say, it was most certainly not that. “I-I umm, well I come here to relax, and it’s kind of hard to do so with… you sitting right next to me.” She babbled. She felt young and immature and completely not eloquent. She was an attorney, dammit. She didn’t stutter.

He looked thoughtful. “I don’t have a particular schedule, but if it would make you feel better, what if I sat somewhere else?”

She shrugged. “Whatever works for you. I didn’t want you to have to change anything.”

“It’s no problem. I just started sitting up here. It gets noisy down there.”

“Yea,” she answered with a little laugh, then remembered who she was talking to. She cleared her throat. “Ok. Well. We’ll see how it goes.”

She got up to prepare to leave. “See you around,” she called over her shoulder.

“Let me walk you to your car,” he said, hopping up.

“Are you even done with your coffee?” she inquired as he caught up to her.

He nodded. “I finished it ten minutes ago. I was just chilling.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious. She didn’t say anything. “So, you don’t have a schedule?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s when I get super stressed at work, that’s when I come in. Sometimes it’s once or twice a week. You know, this place is going to have to shut down soon because of the freeway expansion. I want to take advantage of it.”

She nodded. “I heard. Me too. That’s why I come here.”

They walked in silence to her car. She unlocked it and opened the door. She climbed in, and he held the door open, looking at her thoughtfully. She lifted an eyebrow in question. “Something the matter?”

He shook his head. “Nope. See you around.”

“Thanks for walking me. Good night.”

A week passed. Wednesday. She decided to wait until her normal day. Thursday. Thursday came around, but she was exhausted. Friday came, and she fell asleep, exhausted, at her desk. She woke up and it was 1 am.

The following week came by, and on Thursday, she made it a point to get to the café. To unwind, she told herself. It’s not that she wanted to see anyone in particular. It was still cold and blustery, and she made her way inside the café. She ordered her usual and sat down to scroll through another fanfic. She drank her hot chocolate and are her tartlet, and attempting to read.

Dammit, she thought to herself. She had felt a wave of disappointment. Because Noah wasn’t at the café. Dammit dammit dammit. This is exactly what she had been afraid of. She sighed loudly. “Hey, what’s the matter?” Joe asked as he approached.

She looked up in surprise. “Nothing,” she quipped brightly. “Just a tough day at work.”

His eyes twinkled. “Were you hoping Noah would be here?”

She blushed crimson. “Of course not!” she responded in indignation. How could he have possibly known?!

“Well, he’s here. He’s sitting down there. He wanted me to tell you in case you needed an escort to your car.”

I turned to look at where Joe had pointed. Sure enough. There he was. Scrolling through his phone, sipping his latte. Looking distinguished in his expensive suit. I averted my eyes. Dammit woman. Get ahold of yourself. “Thanks, Joe. But I parked right out front today. There’s no need.”

He nodded and went back to work.

Why does my heart feel happy? Because he did something for you? So what. He was being considerate. It’s what normal human beings do. He’s just sitting somewhere else. There is nothing to feel happy or special about. You understand me?! Her brain lectured her. She nodded to herself. She would not devolve back into her teenage years. She was bigger than that. More mature than that. That would be complete and utter bullshit.

She got up to leave and walked herself out to her car. She was not disappointed that he didn’t notice. No. She definitely was not.

Another week went by, and she hurried to the café. This time, she could not find a spot close by to the entrance, and knew that she would probably want an escort to her car. She didn’t mind too much. She ordered her usual and sat down. And she checked the downstairs area periodically. He wasn’t there. She was tempted to ask Joe, but her pride wouldn’t let her. Perhaps, today had been a good day for him. That was a good thing. She could relax, like she used to. She tried. She did. But the longer she tried, the more restless she became. And it pissed her off. What the hell was wrong with her?! She was frustrated, and finished her drink in a huff. She didn’t even notice the latte art this time. As she was getting ready to leave, she realized she would have no escort to her car. She weighed her options. She could ask Joe, or risk it. She had her pepper spray. It wasn’t too late. It was barely 11. Scratch that. It was late.

“Joe? Do you mind walking me to my car, please? If you get a minute.”

“Of course. Let me just finish this customer’s drink and I’ll walk you.”

“Thanks,” she said and leaned against the bar. She couldn’t help the disappointment. It crushed her. She hated it. She absolutely hated it.

“Let’s get going then?”

“Yea,” she let out.

“You know, he came in yesterday.”

“Oh really?” she asked, perking up, then kicking herself.

“He seemed upset, he left in a big rush.”

“Oh…I hope everything’s ok,” she added absentmindedly. Why was he telling her this?

“If you don’t mind my asking, why did you leave him?”

She looked at Joe sharply. “That’s awfully personal.”

He shrugged. “I tend the bar, people usually tell me their troubles.”

“At a bar, not at a coffee place.”

“We serve wine too.”

“Well, at the time, I was looking for something else. And I found it with someone else.”

“You said you were married, but I’ve never seen you with a wedding ring.”

She paused. They had gotten to her car. “Thanks for walking me, Joe.”

“No problem. See you next week.”

The week flew by, thankfully, with nary a thought about Noah.

Thursday came around. She remembered that Joe had said something about him being upset. She hoped everything was ok. She quickly walked into the café, ordered her usual, and sat down. She looked around, craning her head this way and that, trying to see if she could find him. She could not BELIEVE how pathetic she was being, but she was worried about him.

Joe brought her hot chocolate. She sent him a questioning look. He shook his head. Disappointed, she sighed. Amal, this is for the best. Really. You are not going to get involved in that now. Besides, you’re moving soon. You’re moving to New York City. Your dream city. You’ll meet amazing people, and you’ll fall in love, and—she heard his voice. Her head popped up and swung around, trying to find him. He was ordering. She saw him chatting with Joe. He caught her eye and smiled, and she couldn’t help it, she did too. Relief washed over her. And something else too. Something familiar. Dammit. Too familiar.

She sighed, comfortable now knowing that he was ok. She pulled out her phone, attempting to pretend she was reading her book.

Someone tapped on her shoulder. She turned. Noah stood behind her, smiling. “Hi, may I help you?” she joked with a smile, mimicking what she had said all those years ago in the architecture building of their university.

His smile widened. He remembered. It warmed her heart.

“Joe told me you were upset last week. Is everything ok?” she asked, concerned.

His eyes saddened for a moment, then resumed their cheerfulness. “Everything is fine. May I sit here?” He gestured to the chair next to her.

She didn’t believe him, but she nodded. “Sure. It’s not taken.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Then, “Amal, are you still married?” he asked, quietly.

Frowning, she looked at him. “What makes you ask that?”

“You haven’t worn a wedding ring every time I’ve seen you,” he remarked, still scrolling through social media.

“Not everyone wears a wedding ring, you know,” she quipped, trying to avoid answering the question.

He didn’t respond.

“Noah, what happened last week?” she asked, concerned even more so now.

“Nothing.”

She was silent. She wouldn’t push him. Minutes ticked by.

“I got into a huge fight with my wife and… well… she moved out.”

Shocked, she looked up at him. He was still scrolling, but his eyes had glossed over.

“Oh,” she said lamely. “I’m so sorry.”

“Of course you are,” he scoffed.

“No, truly, I am. I’m sure it’ll get resolved.”

“I need a lawyer.”

“For what?”

“She’s already filed.”

“What?!” came her shocked response, louder than she had intended. She covered her mouth. “I’m sorry. But, wait, what?”

He nodded. He had turned off his phone and put it down. He looked straight ahead. “So, I’ll need a recommendation. That is, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, let me just—”

“Not right this second. Why don’t you text it to me later?”

“Is your phone number the same?”

He smiled a small smile. “Yes.”

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. “Noah,” she began. “When did life get so complicated?”

He sighed. “I have no idea. One minute, everything is amazing and the next, it’s falling apart.”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Noah.”

“Me too.”

A few more seconds, then she removed her hand from his shoulder.

“I’m not.”

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“I’m not married anymore.”

“Oh.”

“Noah, I’m moving to New York City,” she blurted out.

He frowned, but then quickly wiped it away and turned to look at her fully for the first time this evening. “That’s good. Good for you. Are you excited?”

She nodded. “It’s an amazing opportunity. You know, there aren’t that many opportunities in Houston right now with the oil market down, and I was waiting for my sister to feel more stabilized. She’s pretty stable right now, what with her twins being a little bit older.”

“Oh, yes your sister has twins. How are they? They look adorable on Facebook.”

“They are so adorable.”

“One of them looks exactly like you!”

She giggled. “Yes, and unfortunately, she acts just like me. She’s such a scaredy cat, even though she’s the older one. The younger one, who I think looks like my sister, is the bold one. Just like my sister when we were growing up. I was so scared to do anything. She rode bikes first, roller blading, everything first even though I’m the older one!”

He chuckled, and dammit, it warmed her heart. She had to go. She couldn’t do this. History was starting to repeat itself. She was starting to panic. She bit her lip and began putting away her phone in her purse, and shuffling out of the bar stool. “Well, I hope everything turns out well. I’ll text you the details on the attorney.”

He stood up too. “I’ll walk you.”

They made their way out of the café toward her car. She was pensive. Likely, she would have to stop seeing him. She would have to stop coming here. The damage had already been done, and it was only going to get worse. She had a problem when it came to him. He was like a drug she couldn’t quit. When she began thinking about him, she couldn’t stop until it ran its course. And it had wreaked havoc on her life for years. Years. She had been to so many therapy sessions. Maybe, she thought. She ought to call her therapist.

“Amal? Everything ok?” he asked after she hadn’t responded to his question about something she couldn’t remember hearing.

She shook her head. “Sorry. I was just planning my day tomorrow in my head.” They had reached her car. “I’m sorry, please repeat the question?”

He looked hesitant.

“What is it?” she pushed, curious.

“Just was wondering when you were moving.”

“Sometime in the next couple of months. Why?”

He shrugged. “No reason.”

She was suspicious. There was a reason. She wanted to yell at him and announce to the world that there was, IN FACT, a reason he was asking. He always did this. Always. He would always ask these bait type questions, and it pissed her off. She wasn’t going to play his damn game. “All right, thanks for walking me. Good night,” she threw over her shoulder as she opened her door and stepped in.

She leaned out to close her door and he held it. Before closing her door, he met her gaze. And held it. “It’s been nice chatting with you these last few weeks.”

His words hung in the air. She sent him a tense smile. “Good night, Noah.” He nodded, and closed the door. Amal tried not to feel bad. She did. But his face, as he walked away, looked… well… sad.

“Dammit,” she mumbled to herself as she started her car and drove out of the parking lot. “Amal,” she began, lecturing herself. “You cannot do this. Not again. Remember what happened? Remember what a shitshow it ended up being? Do you want to go through that again? Do you? No. You don’t. I don’t.”

“Hey Siri, call My Boo,” she announced. My best friend, Ashley, picked up on the first ring.

“Amal!”

“Hey Ashely. So, I’ve been hanging out with Noah.”

Silence. Amal smiled. She loved shocking Ashley.

“Amal,” she repeated in disbelief. “Are you shitting me? For how long? What do you mean hanging out? What exactly is going on?”

Amal relayed everything that happened.

“Amal,” Ashley sighed. “This is so damn dangerous. Besides, what do you see in him anyway? He was such a fucking asshole to you.”

Amal nodded. “He was.”

“Then? Amal, you could do so much better. SO MUCH BETTER.”

“I know.”

“Do you? If you knew, you wouldn’t keep hanging out with Noah. It took you so long to get over him. So damn long. And look? You’re digging the hole again.”

Amal was silent. Ashley was right. She was entirely right. “Ashley, he wants a recommendation for a divorce attorney.”

It was her turn to be silent. “He’s such a little shit,” she spat.

“Ashley!”

“Amal! He’s baiting you!”

“Is he though?”

“He most certainly is.”

Amal stayed quiet.

“Amal, you have to believe me. You know what? I’m going to call his ass and—”

Amal sighed. “Ash, you and I both know you’re not going to call him.”

“Ok, I’m not but, Amal, please.”

“Ashley… I won’t ok? I won’t be going back to the café.” Amal clenched her jaw. It was going to be hard. But Ashley was right. She would have to.

During the week, Amal texted Noah the number of her classmate who worked at a family law firm. He would be in good hands there. He texted back one word: Thanks. Amal didn’t know what she expected, but that one word stared at her. Did she want to reply? No. She didn’t. So she didn’t.

Thursday came. She decided to go to the satellite location of her café. It was bit farther away, but at least, she was certain she wouldn’t run into Noah. She ordered her usual: key lime tartelette and hot chocolate. The barista gave her a curious look when she ordered. It was an odd choice. Very tart, followed by very sweet. She shrugged. Maybe this wasn’t going to be her new spot.

She sat in the small selection of chairs and opened her fanfic. What was Noah doing now? Came the unbidden thought. Amal closed her eyes in frustration. Amal, she thought to herself. You do not care what he’s doing. She forced herself to read more of her fanfic, but it didn’t feel relaxing anymore, and she wanted to scream. She had just started a relaxing routine. And now, dammit, it was entirely screwed up. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to relax. It was not all messed up, she told herself. These next few weeks will be a little bit rough, but then, it’ll be fine. And she had an appointment with her therapist next week. Her therapist would help her fix it.

Amal downed her artless hot chocolate, picked up her uneaten tart, and went on her way.

The next week, she tried a café in Rice Village. It was bright though, and hard to lose oneself in. She had had her therapist appointment earlier that day. Her therapist suggested journaling. Her therapist also suggested that she deconstruct her notions surrounding Noah. And men in general. But especially, Noah. What was so addicting about him? Was it him? Or was it the way he made her feel? How had he made her feel? Safe? Secure? A little on the bad side? All affirmative. Then, what she was really addicted to, were those feelings. And those feelings didn’t have to come only from him. They could come from anyone. Her therapist suggested she go out and maybe meet other people. Amal decided against that tonight. She would be moving to New York soon. She could meet people there.

She took out a notebook and a pen. Journaling. Just a brain dump. She put pen to paper, and began.

This was the third Thursday that she had tried a new café. She just couldn’t find one that fit her. This was a café close to midtown. It had a nice vibe, but the hot chocolate wasn’t as good as it was at her other café. Can’t have it all, she thought to herself. Journaling today. She again wondered what Noah was doing. And this time, it wasn’t a frustrated thought. It was a sad thought. Perhaps no one else knew about his impending divorce.

Amal ferociously scribbled in her journal. That is not your problem. You’re not his saving grace. He has friends. He has close friends who he can confide in. If he doesn’t, he’ll find some shortly. He’s a friendly enough guy.

Her phone chimed. She picked it up to check and froze. “Dammit,” she muttered under her breath. It was from Noah. And it said one word. Hey.

She groaned and turned off her phone. She ought to ignore it. She really should. She really really should. A few moments went by.

“Ignore it,” she mumbled to herself as she picked up her phone. She stared at it, daring another message to come through. She dared a sign to manifest to tell her what to do. She knew what she should do. And she knew what she wanted to do. What her brain wanted her to do. She could find these same feelings with someone else. Someone who there was not so much bad history with. Someone—her phone chimed again.

“I’m sorry.”

Amal stared at the message, confused. He’s sorry? For what? She opened the conversation and considered whether to text back. What was he sorry for? She began to type. “Hi. Sorry for what?”

He was typing. They both had iphones and it was easy to tell when the other was typing. “Sorry for telling you about my divorce. I shouldn’t have.”

Amal didn’t know how to respond. Should she say, it was ok? If she hadn’t known about his divorce, she might be a little more sane about him. He shouldn’t have told her about it. She decided to be nice. “Thanks. I hope my referral is working out.”

“Yes, thanks” was his immediate response.

She put her phone down. She wasn’t going to text him anymore. She wasn’t. Her phone chimed. “Did you find a new place?”

She decided to answer truthfully. Her first instinct had been to ask him why he was asking, but she knew that was just baiting and prolonging the conversation for no reason. “Yes.”

He was typing. For a long time. It looked like it would be a really long message. But then, his response was simply, “That’s good.”

He must’ve deleted what he typed. She put her phone down. She didn’t know what to say to him anymore. And it tore her apart. She closed her eyes, and the memories assaulted her. Him smiling and laughing. Him explaining to her all the perks of not going to Starbuck and going to small coffeeshops instead. Her getting angry at him when he smoked. Him helping her through her darkest moments while at their university. She took a deep breath. She had been holding her breath and she didn’t know why. He didn’t text again that night.

The next day, she stopped by her old café. Joe was there. He flagged her down. “Hey! You’re here early!”

She flashed him a smile and ordered her usual. “Yes, just trying out a new routine is all.”

Joe brought her drink and he looked pensive. “Amal?”

She looked up at him. “Yes, Joe?”

“Do you keep in touch with Noah?”

Her heart clenched. “No, not really. Why?”

“I think he may need a friend.” Her heart hurt. No, he did not. Joe didn’t know.

“Joe, don’t worry about him, he has many friends. He has, well he used to have a close knit group.”

“If you say so, but he’s been coming in almost every day, downing beer after beer, and we’ve had to call a cab for him a couple of times. Last night, I even had to cut him off.”

Amal gasped inaudibly. “Are you serious?”

He nodded solemnly. Amal sighed. She wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and handed it to Joe. “Joe, for emergencies only. You understand? Emergencies. Not for hooking Noah and I up.”

He looked at the number, pocketed it and nodded. “Why don’t you just call him?”

“Joe. You don’t know how bad it was before. Yes, I messed up our break up and it was rough but for years afterward, but while I was married, I wished he would come and rescue me. I would cry into the night in the dark, wishing to see him. And… I was the one who had dumped him.” She had never told anyone that. Not even her therapist.

He looked sympathetic. “Then, why don’t you go see him now?”

“Joe, I’m moving to New York in a month or so.”

“So?”

“Joe, have you ever been in love?”

He shook his head.

“Trying to force yourself to fall out of it is excruciating. I can’t do it again. I simply can’t.”

“But, if it happens again, why fight it?”

“Because, our history…”

“Maybe that was bad timing. And besides, like you said, yall were 19 and 20 years old?”

She nodded.

“Maybe, that was the wrong time. But now…”

Amal raised a hand to stop him. “Joe, he’s in a vulnerable place right now. Even if I was interested, I don’t want to be the rebound girl. And I told you, I’m leaving.”

“I’m going to miss our talks.”

Amal barked out a laugh. “This is the longest talk we’ve ever had.”

He shrugged. “Then I’ll miss your strange order. Key lime tartelette and hot chocolate? The weirdest combination.”

Amal giggled. “That was exactly the barista’s comment at the other location I went to.”

“You went to our other location?”

“Yes, I was trying to find a new café that I could relax in. One that didn’t have Noah in it.”

“And did you?”

“This one is still the best. There wasn’t even any art in my hot chocolate.”

He mock gasped. “Blasphemy!”

Amal giggled and turned to head out. “Thanks, Joe.”

Amal had fallen asleep on her couch watching a Lifetime movie when her phone rang. She checked the time. It was almost midnight. She checked the Caller ID. She didn’t recognize the number. It sure as hell better not be spam. “Hello?” Amal answered sleepily.

“Amal, it’s Joe. I know you said to call when it’s an emergency. And… well… I don’t know if this qualifies, but he’s about to get into a fight. I think it’s that Sean guy we kicked out of here about two months ago. The guy who hit on you?”

Amal sat up straight. “Noah? Is about to get into a fight? That’s impossible. He doesn’t do shit like that.”

“He’s downed five beers and is halfway through his six in just an hour.”

Amal shrugged on a jacket and a headscarf. “I don’t drink Joe. I don’t know if that’s a lot or not for his weight.”

“It’s a lot. Would you please come get him? I don’t want to call the police.”

Amal sighed. “Be there in ten.”

Amal drove like a madwoman. When she got there, she was shocked to find police cars outside. “Dammit,” she mumbled to herself, grabbed her purse, and took out her bar card. “Dammit, dammit, dammit,” she mumbled to herself. She also had to keep her scarf on. Her Driver’s License had a scarf on. Joe was in for a surprise. As she approached, she caught Joe’s eye. He looked confused, and she rapidly shook her head. “Joe, now is not the time. I normally wear a headscarf, but I come here to decompress and be someone else. Now, where is Noah?”

“He’s with that cop over there.”

“Who called the cops?”

“Marcie. I couldn’t stop her. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok Joe. Thanks for calling.”

She approached and tried to size up the policemen who were interviewing Noah. They were relatively young men, a mix of Latino and Black. Cautiously, she interrupted. “Excuse me, Officers.”

They turned their heads to me. “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?” asked one of the Latino officers.

She read his name tag. “Officer, Castenada is it?” She flashed him a dazzling smile.

“Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

“I think you have my friend over there.” She motioned to Noah, whose eyes were glazed over, and who had a busted lip.

“Yes, ma’am, we’re taking him to the police station. He got into a fight, and he’s drunk.”

“Officer, please, just hand him over to me. I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into any fights tonight. I promise.”

He looked unsure. “Are you sure you can handle him? He could be a violent drunk.”

“Officer, that man who he got into the fight with, hurt and cursed at me a a few weeks ago. If anything, that would be the only reason he would get into a fight. It’s not like him, at all.”

“I think I’ve still got to book him for public intoxication.”

“Police officers have a wide amount of discretion, Officer. We both know that.”

“How would you know that?” he quirked an eyebrow at Amal.

Amal leaned forward and slipped him her bar card. “Listen, I don’t want to make a big deal of this, Officer. This man, Noah Kast, is a physician. It would be horrible if public intoxication were to go on his record. And this is likely his first time. Please, just this once?”

He gave her back her bar card and sighed. “Ok, Ms. Neece. Amal. Did I say that right?”

Amal beamed at him. “Perfect. Most people don’t get it on the first try.”

He gave her a quick smile then leaned in. “Just this once. Don’t let this become a habit.”

Amal nodded. “Thank you. Thank you.”

He turned. “Guys, let the Kast guy go.”

The other officers looked confused. He jerked his head to Amal. “His lawyer’s here. Give him to her.”

Amal raced forward as the officers uncuffed him. “Noah!” she said loudly, trying to attract his attention. He looked at her vacantly, as if trying to place her.

He opened his mouth to say something. “Hi Amal! Did you see that asshole? I completely trashed—” Amal put a hand over his mouth quickly.

“Stop talking, Noah. This instant,” she hissed, hoping the police officers didn’t hear him. She wondered where Sean was.

Noah nodded behind her fingers and she took her hands off his face. “You smell good,” he commented. She rolled her eyes.

“Officers, if you would, could you help me get him to my car?”

Officer Castenada volunteered and half dragged Noah. “He must be a good friend for you to do this.”

Amal shrugged while attempting to help steer Noah to her car. “I just found out he’s going through a divorce. That’s likely why he overdrank today.”

Officer Castenada had a sympathetic look on his face. “Been there.” Amal was grateful Noah was not speaking anymore.

Amal opened the door, and they both practically shoved Noah in. They closed the door, but the officer beckoned Amal over. “I’d open the window if I were you. He’s probably going to throw up.”

Amal’s eyes widened and she quickly turned on the car and opened the passenger window. “Officer!” she called. She gave him her card. “If you need anything, please let me know. Also,” she blushed. “I’ve never had to deal with a drunk guy before. Joe over there told me he drank five and a half beers? I don’t know. Is that hospital worthy? Does he just need water? Is he going to try to sneak into the zoo?”

The officer laughed at Amal’s guesses. “He’s probably not going to try to sneak into the zoo with you watching him. We administered a breathalyzer test on him, and he’s pretty drunk, but likely not hospital worthy. Just give him some dense carbs and lots of fluids and he should be fine. Oh, and if he passes out, make sure he passes out on his side. If he throws up, he could choke.”

Amal winced.

“Still want to take him?” Officer Castenada joked.

Amal gave him a tired smile. “No choice now. Thank you Officer. Good night.”

She hopped into her car and they headed down the road. Noah was passed out on the passenger seat. At least his face was facing the open window. She sighed. “God, Noah. What the hell is the matter with you?” she said out loud.

She drove to her condo and didn’t know how she was going to get a drunk and passed out man up into an elevator and into her place. “Noah?” She shook him gently. He didn’t stir. Her heart jumped. Was he still breathing? She took a bottle of water and splashed a little on his face.

He shook awake, wiping water out of his eyes. “What the hell!” he half yelled.

“Noah!” she said loudly, capturing his attention.

His gaze snapped to her. He frowned. It looked like he was trying to place her. “Amal?” His voice had sounded so small and hopeful, her heart broke.

She touched his arm. “Noah, Joe called me. Let’s go upstairs to my place, ok? I’ll make you something to eat.”

He crooked his head to the side. “Why are you here? Where are we?”

She sighed. “I’m here to help you. Let’s go upstairs, ok?”

She climbed out of her car, and opened the passenger side door. He stumbled to his feet and she caught him. Her knees almost buckled under his weight. He had bulked up in the last ten years. “Ok, let’s go.”

“I can walk by myself,” he protested, slurring his words.

“I know. I’m just helping a little.”

As they entered the wide lobby, the doorman rushed to press the elevator button. “Everything ok, Ms. Neece?”

She nodded. “Everything’s ok, Alfred, thank you.”

“Batman,” Noah whispered and she laughed through her nose as they boarded the elevator.

She unlocked her condo and they spilled inside. He nearly fell to the floor. “Noah, please, a little help,” she groaned and he righted himself.

He frowned. “The couch? I don’t think so.”

“Yes, buddy. The couch. You’re not sleeping in my nice guest bedroom smelling like a brewery,” she chastised. He sunk down.

“You’re a good friend, Amal,” he remarked matter of factly.

“Thanks.” She went into the linen closet to get a pillow and a blanket. “Take off your shoes, Noah.”

He kicked off his expensive looking shoes.

“Take off your jacket,” she told him as she approached with the pillow and blanket.

“Why don’t you do it for me?” he asked with a cheeky smile.

“This isn’t that type of stay. You can keep it on if you like. I’m putting a trash can next to the couch. Don’t throw up on my rug.”

“You know, if you hadn’t left me, we’d probably still be married,” he quipped as he laid down on the fluffy pillow.

A lump formed in her throat. “Good night, Noah.”

“Good night, hun.”

She turned the light off and went into her room. Her pillow was wet as she fell asleep.


	3. Diving

She woke slowly, then sat up with a start remembering what had happened last night. She put on a thick jersey robe and rushed out into her living room. He was still sleeping. She stood there, watching him. He looked at peace. He looked the same way he had ten years ago. Except, his cheeks had leaned out a bit, and his jaw had more of a cut to it. Probably as a result of an intense workout regimen. It looked good on him. She stood up straight and shook her head.  _ Nope. _

She went back into her room to change into sweats, she thought rather ironically, a headscarf. She had fluid rules when it came to headscarf. It was a result of growing up in a mixed religion family. 

She returned to the living room and decided to brew some coffee using her French press and scramble some eggs. She toasted some bread, and when the food was ready, she approached him. She hated to disturb him, but he needed to eat and drink water. “Noah?” She shook his shoulder gently, then more assertively. 

He didn’t budge.  _ Still the sound sleeper, huh?  _ She remembered the multiple times she would call him over ten times to wake him up for an appointment or exam. 

“Noah,” she said a little louder. He stirred, but just barely. She shook him near violently now, and he finally stirred awake. 

He opened his eyes and looked straight into hers. “Wha?” he said then jerked up, then immediately winced. “Dammit, my head,” he muttered as he clutched his head. “Where am I? And why are you here?”

Amal ignored his question. “I have some Gatorade for you,” Amal said as she brought a bottle over. 

“Thank you,” he mumbled and drank a long swig from it. He lowered it, and capped it, surveying his surroundings. 

“I assume this is your place?”

“Yup. I made some breakfast and coffee.” She motioned to the kitchen island. 

“Thank you. Give me a second to wash my face. Bathroom?”

“That door to your left.” 

He raced for the bathroom and shut the door. She hoped he didn’t throw up. She didn’t get her wish. The faucet ran for some time, and eventually, it turned off and he opened the door, looking much better. 

He met her eyes. “Amal, what in the hell happened last night?”

She sat down to eat, and he joined her, but not before shrugging off his now impossibly wrinkled suit jacket. “Well,” she began. “Joe called me and said you got into a fight with that guy. I came to get you, found you arrested and handcuffed. I convinced the police officers to let you go, and I brought you here. And that was that.” 

He was silent while he pushed the eggs around his plate. Perhaps he didn’t feel like having eggs. 

“Do you want something else? Oatmeal maybe? The officer said something about giving you carbs to eat, and lots of hydration.”

“I made a total ass of myself, didn’t I?” he said through gritted teeth. 

“Noah…”

“Why the hell did Joe call you anyway?”

She hesitated. “I gave him my number in case there were any emergencies.”

He caught Amal’s eye. “Emergencies?”

“I went to the café yesterday during the day and he told me you’d been drinking a lot. He was concerned. I told him to call me with an emergency. And last night was definitely an emergency. I had to pull the lawyer card to prevent you from getting arrested and charged for public intoxication, and potentially even assault.” 

He was silent and picked up the toast. He took a bite then swallowed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she responded. 

They ate in silence. She poured some coffee in a mug for him, then one for her. 

He sipped the coffee, then looked down, impressed. “Good coffee.”

“Thanks. I’m assuming you still drink it black?”

He nodded, and sipped it again. “I thought you didn’t enjoy coffee?”

She shrugged. “I have a love hate relationship with it. But it’s my drug of choice.”

More silence. It stretched on and on and on. They had finished eating, and were sipping their coffee in silence. When her mug had finished, she decided to say something. “Noah, you have a problem.”

“What problem would that be?” he asked, not looking at her. 

“Drinking. You’re not coping well.”

“I’m the psychiatrist here. I think I know about coping mechanisms.”

“I understand that. And you know about the good ones, and the bad ones. Drinking is a bad one.”

“I’ve got it under control.”

“Do you? You would’ve woken up in jail today.”

“It’s just because that asshole got in my face.”

Amal was silent. 

“I might have a little bit of a problem,” he admitted quietly. He clenched a fist. 

“Noah, it’s ok to get help. I’m sure you have tons of resources, and if you don’t, I can—”

“I have my resources.”

Silence.

She finished her coffee and got up to clear the table. He got up to help, and they both headed for the sink. “Let me,” he said, not meeting her gaze. “It’s the least I can do.”

“O-ok. Sure.”

He washed the dishes they had used while she cleaned up the rest of the table. When he finished, he turned and surveyed her condo. “This place is really nice.”

“Thanks. It’s only temporary.”

“Yea, I remember. You’re moving to New York.” His voice had an edge to it, and she wanted to ask him about it but decided not to. He’d tell her if he wanted her to know. 

They stood in awkward silence. 

“Your car,” Amal started. “It’s probably still at the café. Shall we go get it?”

“I can take an Uber, no need to trouble yourself,” he said, pulling out his phone. 

“No, it’s no trouble. I have to run some errands this morning anyway.”

“Amal, did I say something last night?” he asked suddenly. 

She froze. “No, not really,” she lied. 

“I did. What did I say?”

She dropped her gaze to her sock clad feet. “What do you think you said?”

“I think, I said something about… where we would be now if things had gone differently.”

She was silent. 

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

She nodded slowly. “But, there’s no need to worry, I know it’s because you were drunk. And by the way, I’ve never handled a drunk guy before, so, I’m congratulating myself on a job well done.” She was babbling and she knew it. She wanted Noah to stop talking about serious things. Why couldn’t he make a damn joke and all this tension would just go away?

“I’m sorry for dragging you into all this,” he whispered, dropping to sit on the couch again, looking down at his hands. His knuckles were bruised. “I can’t believe I got into a fight.”

Amal sat next to him. “I know. I told Joe he must be wrong. You don’t do things like that.”

“I seem to have changed in that respect, huh?”

“I have a feeling the other guy threw the first punch,” she said confidently. 

“How did you convince the cops to let me go?”

“You know, a little bit of smiling, and some nice compliments. And a bar card certainly doesn’t hurt.”

“You flirted me out of trouble?”

She shrugged. “It works sometimes.”

He let out a wry laugh, and settled back on the couch. “Amal, what am I going to do? My life is completely upside down.”

“It’ll be fine. Trust me. I felt the same way during my divorce. But it gets much better after all the pettiness goes away.”

“She’s being damn petty.”

Amal nodded. “It has a tendency to happen. Especially if there are bruised egos. What did you say to her?”

He winced. “I called her an entitled bitch.”

“Oof. That. Is. That’s rude, Noah.”

“I know. But she is. You know what she said to my mom once? She said—” he stopped midsentence. “Nothing.”

“Noah, do you have friends? Where are all your friends?”

“That’s a strange question.”

“But it’s a valid one. Where are all your friends?”

“When I got married, she was obsessed with us spending all our time together, and I lost touch with them.”

“Do you mean to tell me you have no close friends right now?”

“I guess not.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“I know.”

She sighed. “Please call one of your old friends. Today.”

“What? Why?”

“Because, you need a friend. And I can’t be that friend for you.”

“I’ve got it under control.”

“Noah, you don’t. You obviously don’t. And, I don’t know what could happen. You could get behind the wheel and—”

“That won’t happen,” he said vehemently. 

“Noah… if you’re not in control of your drinking, you don’t know what could happen.”

“How do you know? You don’t drink.”

“I have friends who do. I’ve had to have this conversation before.”

That shut him right up. 

“Amal, you know, guys don’t just talk about their problems.”

“Well, you have to talk to someone!”

He paused. “I am.”

Amal was quiet. “I mean, someone who is not me.”

“Why?” came his immediate response, again with an edge. 

Well, she wasn’t going to be giving him an honest answer. “Because, that’s just weird. Besides, I’m the wrong person to help you.”

“Why? You’ve gone through a divorce yourself. You can help me through it.”

“Noah,” she sighed. “I can’t.”

He was silent and she saw him watching her. She tried to make her body language appear relaxed.

“Why not?”

She failed. She was frustrated. They had had this conversation before. In college. When he wanted to be friends while he was dating someone else and she told him no, she couldn’t and he had insisted, and she had given in. And it had been horrible. “Noah. There’s too much history. It’s too difficult.”

“But it’s been so long. That stuff is long gone.”

“Oh and so you’re thinking, let’s just start all over? Like, Hi, I’m Amal, let’s be friends?” She hated being sarcastic with him. He didn’t appreciate it either. 

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Let me put this in a way that you can understand. My psychologist told me I have a little bit of OCD. As well as some dissociative personality disorder. Does that translate into anything for you yet?”

“Maybe.”

“Ok. So, what how that translates for me is, it took me over five years to get over you. Five. During said time, I was depressed, and couldn’t stop thinking about you. And really, I felt addicted. And my therapist, actually just last week, we talked about how possibly, the reason I was having so much trouble is because it was the  _ feelings  _ and the memories associated with those feelings that I was addicted to. So, I’m trying to sort through that. And I can’t do that if you, the object of said attachment, is sitting here in my living room, being vulnerable.”

He was silent. 

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before Noah. I told you. Being around you makes me feel like I’m drowning. I’m suffocating. I try to claw my way back out, but, I just can’t. And,” her voice shook. “And I just can’t do that again.”

He was silent. Amal stood and walked toward the balcony. She looked out over the horizon. “And, I’m moving. I’m leaving Houston. For good. There’s nothing left here for me.”

“Your sister? Your dad?”

“Of course, but they have their own lives. I need to go build my life somewhere. Rebuild it I suppose. And New York is the place to do it.”

There were a few minutes of silence.

“I’m sorry,” he let out. 

“Why?”

“I’m sorry I’m bringing up these feelings again. I didn’t know.”

She sighed. “I know you didn’t know. And I’m sorry it came out that way. That’s why I stopped coming to the café. I thought you got that. You texted me.”

“I was kind of tipsy when I texted you,” he admitted. 

“Well. Ok. You were pretty composed for a tipsy guy.”

He chuckled wryly then stood up. “Well. I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.” Amal turned to him and met his eyes. “I just want to say that I really appreciate what you did for me last night. You’re a great friend.” 

Amal gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”

“New York will be lucky to have you.”

Her smile momentarily broadened in response. He used his phone to call an Uber, and began putting on his shoes. Amal retrieved his suit jacket from the breakfast chair. “You’d better get down there. It takes a while for the elevator sometimes.”

He nodded. “Thanks,” he murmured as he took the jacket from her. He approached the door, then turned around. “Amal, wait.”

“No,” she said hotly, almost spinning around so she didn’t have to face him. She knew where he was going with this. “Don’t be selfish.”

“I’m selfish.”

“Well don’t be.”

“If you change your mind—”

“I won’t!”

“Ok, but if you do,” she opened her mouth to argue with him. “You know where to find me.”

The following Thursday, she found herself heading for the café. She hadn’t told anyone. Her therapist, Ashley, any of her friends, no one. She felt ashamed. And dammit. She was weak. She was so weak. But, she reasoned, maybe, just while she was in Houston, she could be his friend. She rolled her eyes at her thoughts.  _ She could be his friend? Really? As if she was doing it all for him _ . She was a sadist. She enjoyed the pain apparently. 

She parked, and sat in her car. “God Amal!” she practically yelled to herself. “How could you do this? You need to drive away. Right now. Right now. Drive away.” She couldn’t seem to find the motivation to put the car in gear.  _ God dammit, Amal. How could you do this? Don’t you remember how hard it was? You used to cry in a dark corner of your closet so that your ex-husband couldn’t find you, and wish Noah would come rescue you. One of the biggest reasons for moving on was because he had gotten married. I know that reason is gone now, but you’re strong. You have your own life. Your own drama free life. This is the life you wanted, to be free to do what you wanted, when you wanted, and how you wanted.  _ She closed her eyes and rested her head on the headrest of her car. 

_ But, you’re older now. You’re stronger now. And you’re free to do whatever you want. Why limit yourself?  _ The irresponsible part of her brain argued with her. 

_ Why would I stop myself from doing cocaine? Common freaking sense. _

Her irresponsible side was silent after that, and she was just about to drive away, then,  _ Amal, he needs you.  _

Her breath caught in her throat.  _ No, he doesn’t.  _

_ He told you that he needs you. He told you point blank that he has no friends he can talk to. You’re going to abandon him? With his proclivity toward drinking and depression? You accused him of being selfish, and now look at you, the kettle calling the pot black.  _

She looked down at her palms. There were small little half moons in her palm from her nails. It was so much stress _. Was it worth it? Joe was right. Maybe it’ll work out. Maybe it won’t. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to help him out. You were going to help out Mo, even though he treated you like trash, if worse came to worse. You can’t do that for Noah? You want to watch him hit rock bottom? You want to call him a criminal defense attorney?  _ She winced. 

While she was lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice someone approaching her vehicle, and that someone knocked on the window, scaring her so badly her heart thundered in her ears. It was Noah. She lowered the window. “Noah, what the hell?!” she yelled angrily, trying to slow her heartbeat. “God, you scared me!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. You were just sitting in your car for a while, and I wanted to see if you were ok. Look, I brought you your order,” he offered a small paper bag and a coffee cup. “Truce?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Fine. Thank you. But I want to go inside.” She rolled up the window, turned off the car, and slowly opened her door. He held it open for her and closed it behind her. The wind was harsh and blew her scarf this way and that. She didn’t know what to do. Her café no longer served its purpose. There was no point in taking it off. She kept it on. “I can take my drink and the tart, thank you.” She held onto the items as they walked the few minutes’ walk to the entrance in silence. Thankfully, it was delightfully warm inside. She didn’t know where she wanted to sit. The bar? Somewhere else? Did she need privacy? Did she need a buffer? She didn’t have to decide. Joe waved them over to the bar. 

“Hey Amal! When Noah came to order your order, I thought it was strange. He said you were sitting in your car?” his blue eyes look at me with confusion. “Didn’t want to come in?”

She shrugged. “Honestly? I didn’t know if I wanted to come in,” she said as she pulled out a seat and shed her thick wool coat. She had a sensible pantsuit underneath.  _ So sexy _ , she thought to herself, before she slid into the chair. 

Joe gave a meaningful glance at Amal, then at Noah behind her, and excused himself to help a customer. 

Noah hadn’t sat down yet. “Are you waiting for an invitation?” she remarked before taking a sip from her hot chocolate. Delicious as always. 

“Kind of,” was his vague response. She put down the cup and turned in her seat to look at him. Really look at him. What had happened to the confident and cool man she once knew? He still looked confident and cool, but underneath, she felt the insecurity. His eyes looked tired and his shoulders were slumped slightly. Seeing him like this made her feel…a little broken. Still, it seemed he had matured remarkably. The old Noah would’ve just sat down, her precarious feelings be damned. She appreciated it. 

“Please, sit, Noah,” she invited, then turned to face forward. He settled into the chair next to her. 

“Why were you sitting in your car for so long?” he asked quietly. 

“Why were you watching me like a creepy stalker?” was her retort. 

He sighed. “That’s not what I was doing, and you know it. We happened to arrive at the same time, and I waited for you so we could walk inside together. When you didn’t come out for some time, I went in to order for you. And you still didn’t come, so I came outside to check and see what was going on.”

She took a bite of her tartelette and chewed, enjoying the sweet tart flavor. After a few moments, she answered his question. “I was sitting in the car because I couldn’t decide if I was being selfish or not. And I hate being selfish, most especially because of fear.” She heard him begin to speak, but she continued. “Listen, Noah. I understand you need a friend now. And I’m ok being that person, but we need some ground rules, like no dinners out, no chats about what could have been, no late night texts, no flirting, stuff like that.”

“You? Not flirt? No!” he teased, then when she looked at him to argue, he quickly sobered. “I’m kidding. And Amal…” he trailed off. “Thank you. Again.”

“No problem.” She looked forward again, and took a few sips. She had another bite of the tartelette. She decided to cut the tension. “So, what’s your bitchy ex-wife done today to make you look like crap?” she said easily in his direction, and he feigned hurt. 

“ Look like crap? You take that back!” 

She smiled. “Not going to happen. Have you looked in a mirror? You’re barely 34 and you’ll be needing botox!”

He pretended to look at himself in the glass cabinets across from us. “Liar!”

“Whatever you say,” she said as she took another long sip of her hot chocolate. “No, but really. You look very stressed. What’s going on?”

“She won’t let me see my daughter. For absolutely no reason other than the fact that she’s mad at me.” His voice had turned dark. “I don’t know what the hell happened to her. She never would’ve done this two years ago.”

“Do you think maybe this is part of postpartum depression?”

“I tried to bring that up with her, but she shuts me down every time.”

“So… maybe after the hormones are done flushing through her system, then maybe things will go back to normal?”

“Maybe.”

“I hope so. You seem miserable.”

“Better now.”

More silence. 

“You’re wearing your scarf here,” he commented. 

“Yup.”

“Why?”

“This place used to be a sanctuary of sorts where I could blend in and no one would know me, or notice me. It doesn’t serve that purpose anymore. I’ll find a new place for that.”

“Why do you think you need a place like that?”

“It started during my divorce. Every time I would go back to my condo, I would see the divorce settlement staring me in the face and I just wanted to escape to a place where no one knew all my troubles, and mistakes, and past. Where I could just disappear.”

“Is that why you want to go to New York? To disappear? There are a lot of people there.” No edge to his voice this time. 

“I got a great job offer. And I’ve always wanted to try living there. Everyone says it’s not that great. I want to see if everyone is right.”

“You ought to ask my mom. She’d tell you it sucks,” he offered. 

“Noah, I just realized, you haven’t ordered anything,” Amal noticed with a start. 

“Yea. I didn’t know what to order…” he trailed off, looking down the bar toward their alcohol selection. 

“Let me get you something.” She hopped off the barstool and made her way to the cashier before he could protest. “Could I please get an herbal tea, and… one of those CBD cookies,” she pointed hesitantly. “Does it… does it feel weird?” she asked the cashier helping her with a whisper. 

“No, not at all. You just feel relaxed.”

“Ok. That’s something my friend needs. Thank you.” The cashier handed her the cookie and she walked back to Noah. Noah watched her approach with an amused expression on his face. 

“Did you order me a CBD cookie?”

“Perhaps. I hadn’t had the balls to try it but I thought you could use it.”

“You’ve never tried smoking weed?”

“You shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Well, we’ll change that,” he promised as he took a bite out of the cookie and chewed thoughtfully. “It’s good. Would you like to try it?”

She shook her head. “No thanks. I’ve got my desserts right here,” she motioned to her now almost finished drink and tartelette. 

Joe brought over the tea. “Tea here for Noah. Enjoy.”

“Hey, Joe! Amal tells me you called her last week.” 

“Noah, please don’t be irritated at him, he was worried about you,” Amal protested. 

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it,” Noah finished with a broad smile at Joe. 

Joe smiled back. “Any time man, but don’t do that again! Marcie won’t let you come back, and where else would you meet up with this beauty?” 

Amal blushed. “Joe, hush,” she giggled as she took her last bite of her tartelette. 

“But you are! With or without the headscarf on.” Amal had completely forgotten about the headscarf on/off issue, and blushed a little harder. “Noah, back me up here!” he protested. 

Amal raised a hand to interrupt, but Noah quickly said, “You’re right but you’re embarrassing her. Look how red she is.”

“Noah!” Amal seethed, her eyes shooting daggers at him. 

He raised his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, sorry!”

Joe just laughed at them, and they joined in. “But seriously, Amal, you’re the same whatever you wear. Beautiful inside and out,” Joe left as a parting gift before he left to help another customer. 

“He’s right, you know,” Noah added then sipped his tea. 

Amal playfully shoved him with her shoulder, and immediately regretted it. There it was. That spark. That damned spark. When she touched him. That electrifying, addicting spark. 

“Whoa, watch it, I almost spilled it on you!” he protested.  _ He must not feel the same spark _ . It was a disappointing thought. And completely out of place in this friend set up she had going on. 

“Sorry!” 

“So, what do you do for fun these days, Amal?”

She shrugged. “Pretty much the same I used to do. Write stories, read stories, hang out with the same old high school friends. And now, just adding in seeing my sister’s twins every weekend. You? You still in your band? What was its name again?”

He shook his head. “After I got married, there just wasn’t time for it anymore. But, I still play and of course, write songs. And listen to music.”

“I remember you had so many CDs. So many! And it was such an ordeal to put them all on that huge iPod!” Amal recalled with a laugh, remembering staying up half the night with him at his dorm, making sure that iTunes wouldn’t crash and lose all his music. 

“Times have really changed huh?” 

Amal nodded. “They have.” She checked her watch. Almost midnight. She glanced at him. His cookie was finished, and his tea was nearly done. “It’s getting a little late. I think I’m going to head out.” She hesitated, then, “Would you mind walking me out?”

“Well… considering how I parked next to you, it would just be cruel of me to refuse,” he joked, his eyes twinkling. And it made her heart jump. His eyes were twinkling at her again. They hadn’t don’t that in over a decade. The last time she saw him, back on campus, he had looked at her, or rather, through her, in such utter… nonrecognition, it had been almost unbearable. But now, it was back, and her heart was so happy. Happier than it had been in years.  _ Rein it in _ , she cautioned herself. 

He held up her jacket to help her put it on, and when she had turned to put her arm in the jacket, she caught a whiff of his cologne. It smelled fantastic. She internally groaned. She knew what she would likely be dreaming about tonight. Their hands lightly touched when she turned back to him and she cursed that stupid spark. “Ready?” she asked in as nonchalant a voice she could muster. 

“Yup,” he responded and shrugged on his own wool coat. They waved goodbye to Joe and chatted easily as they walked to their cars. When they reached hers, he leaned to open her car door at the exact same time that she turned around to thank him. The result? He was leaning close, their faces inches from each other. And her damned heart was pounding. Her body betrayed her. She hated it. His eyes caught hers for just a moment, then he backed up quickly. “Sorry, about that!” he said brightly. 

“No problem. I just wanted to thank you for walking me. And, Noah…” she hesitated. “Don’t forget what we talked about. About you getting help. I can’t be around to order you tea when you want to order a drink every time you’re here.”

“Don’t worry about that, Amal. I’ve got it!” 

She gave him a half smile. “I hope so.” He opened the door for her and she climbed in. “Good night, Noah.”

“Good night, Amal. Drive safely.”

The following Thursday, she had a deadline, and couldn’t leave. She thought about texting him, but then it slipped her mind when her coworker asked her about a document. Before she knew it, it was 11:30, and her phone had chimed. It was him. “Everything ok?”

Amal typed quickly, feeling embarrassed. “Yes, I’m so sorry. I got held up at work! I’m still at the office!”

“Damn! When will you be done? I can bring you food, especially if you haven’t eaten. Where’s your office?”

“I’m just about done. My office is downtown.”

“What do you want for food before the kitchen closes? Let me bring it to you.”

“No, it’s ok, really. Don’t worry about it.”

“If you don’t tell me what you want, I’ll just get you a CBD cupckake and give it to your doorman for you. And I know how you hate to waste food. ;)”

She laughed out loud. “Blackmail? Wow. Blackmailing a lawyer is ballsy, that’s for damn sure.”

“Well, I’m ballsy, you know that!”

She sighed, defeated. She was starving. “The burger please, and fries.”

“Sure. Where should I meet you?”

That was a great question. Her condo would be too intimate. She sure as hell wasn’t going to his place. And of course, she wasn’t going to bring him up to her office. Was meeting in her condo parking lot in the car too strange? She decided it was fine. “My condo parking garage. Does that work?”

“Sure. I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Thanks.”

“Np”

Amal rushed to pack her stuff, unreasonably happy now. She felt light on her feet as she rode the elevator down to the subterranean parking garage. She practically skipped to her car and drove happily to her nearby condo. As she pulled in near the parking lot, a black SUV flashed its lights at her. It was Noah. She rolled down the window. “Go in ahead of me!” she called as she used the car remote to open the garage entrance. He nodded and sped on ahead. Her phone rang. “Hello, Noah,” she greeted. 

“Hey Amal,” came his voice, so damn nostalgic in the blasted surround sound of her car. “What floor should I park on?”

“Four is good.”

“Sure.”

They stayed on the phone as they drove up the winding garage. She didn’t know what to say. He didn’t seem interested in breaking the silence. They reached the fourth floor and parked next to one another. “Why don’t you hop into my car?” he offered, and she heard rustling in the background. 

“Sure. I’m going to hang up now,” she said, then waited for his acknowledgement before she pressed hang up. She turned off her car, got out, and hurriedly half jogged to his car. She hadn’t put on a coat and even the garage was cold. She opened the door and stepped in. It was so nice and warm, she immediately relaxed. And the smell of an amazing burger assaulted her. “Thank you so much, Noah!” she exclaimed as she reached for one of the burgers. 

He grinned at her. “My pleasure. But I must warn you, it comes with a price.”

Halfway through chewing her first bite, she looked at him confused, then nodded. She swallowed, and said, “Of course, let me Venmo you—”

He busted out laughing. “No, no that’s not what I meant. I meant, we’re breaking one of your rules. This is dinner.”

“Oh.” She thought, then checked her watch. 12:15 am. “It’s technically the morning, so I’d say this is a really early breakfast.”

He grinned. “Lawyers.”

They ate and chatted easily. Like old friends. She complained about her boss who didn’t understand the meaning of leaving the office before 9. And he complained about his patients and their first world problems. 

Amal was working on her fries, and feeling too full to finish them. She yawned wide, and covered her mouth with wide eyes. “Excuse me, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed. 

“You’d better head on up. You look exhausted.”

“But, you didn’t even tell me if there are any updates on… you know… your personal life!”

“Oh yes, I forgot to mention that we’re close to reaching an agreement. I’ll be able to spend this entire weekend with my daughter.”

“You forgot?!” Amal asked incredulously. “This is amazing news!” 

He grinned. “It is pretty great, huh?”

“Yes! So, how did you come to this arrangement?”

“Well, Mary, she, uh, called me, and apologized for being… how she was being, and offered to come by our place this weekend with Hayley.”

Her blood ran a little cooler.  _ Shut it down _ , she told herself immediately. “Oh, that sounds like fun!” Amal thought she sounded sincere to her own ears. She could’ve sworn Noah had a strange microexpression, but it was gone before she could process it. “Well, I hope you have fun. I really need to get some rest,” she said, hurrying to wrap up the fries and get the hell out of his car before her feelings could catch up. “Thanks so much for dinner, Noah,” she said, cheerfully. 

“No problem. Don’t work so hard, huh?”

She simply smiled and nodded at him. “Good night!” She opened the car door, and tried not to rush out. She tried to maintain a sense of normalcy. Of decorum.

“Good night, Amal,” she heard behind her and she shut the door. She walked woodenly toward the entrance to her condo, and didn’t turn when she heard his car driving away. She clenched her jaw. Dammit, she would make it to her condo. She would. She was in the elevator. Damned long elevator ride to the 26 th floor. Tears pricked her eyes, but she blinked them away. She would get to her place. She would. 

She unlocked her condo and let the door slam shut behind her. She stood in the dark and slowly walked toward her couch. She collapsed on top of it. Her mind was a perfect blank. Masterfully orchestrated to be that way. She gingerly placed the foil wrapped fries on the coffee table. She clicked on the tv. She wasn’t going to think about anything tonight. She wasn’t. 

Friends came on.

It was the funny one about the cheesecake. She craved cheesecake and remembered she’d be moving soon. Perfect. Chandler said something. It was funny. She could’ve sworn it was funny. But she was crying. She wiped furiously at her face. “No, you’re not crying. No. Amal, no,” she ordered herself. She laid down on the couch, facing in, the tv to her back. Rachel said something funny, but Amal wasn’t listening anymore. She hugged herself and buried her face in the couch cushion. 

  
  
  



	4. Drowning

The next Thursday came along and she sat in her car, still parked at her office. She really didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to hear how amazing the weekend had been with Mary. Of course, Hayley time was wonderful. Mary time? She did not want to hear about that. She was hit with a strong and unsurprising sense of déjà vu. We were back in the same damn spot. _Me, getting out of a difficult situation and him, together with some annoying dramatic woman. With those eyes that he loved so damn much._ Amal looked at her eyes in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were just as nice as Mary’s. She rolled her eyes at the stupidity. 

_If you don’t want to be here, then why are you here? On the off chance that Mary did something bitchy? Amal, for God’s sake, they’re a family. You’d hate yourself if you felt happy if he told you something like that._ Amal took out her phone, and texted him. “Hey. Work’s running late again. I’ll see you next week then.”

She put her phone on Do Not Disturb. She didn’t want to hear from him. 

She drove to her favorite Thai restaurant and picked up food for her dinner. Then she drove home and leisurely ate in front of the tv. Like she had been every week. She wondered what her friends were doing. Surely someone was available to hang out today. She texted many different friends, but it was 10:30, and it was too late for them all. She needed some additional friends. Friends with a schedule more similar to hers. 

She checked her phone. Once. Then twice. At 11 pm. Then 11:10 pm. No response from Noah. “Dammit, I don’t care!” she announced to her condo. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She did not care. She did not care whether Noah responded or not. She took it off Do Not Disturb. She wasn’t going to hear from him. 

Her phone dinged. She clenched her jaw. She did care. Damn. It. All. To. Hell. 

His response was basic. “Ok, see you next week then. Good night.”

Something was wrong. There was perfect punctuation. And there were no emojis. Granted, she hadn’t texted him very often since rekindling their friendship, but something just seemed wrong. She was tempted to type something. She resisted the temptation. Successfully. And she felt proud of herself. She went to take a shower and played sitcoms to fill the silence. Her thoughts wouldn’t bother her while Sheldon’s science filled the room. 

***

The following Thursday, she had a strange feeling as she drove to the café. She had just been notified that she was to start in the New York office on Wednesday of the following week. Luckily, she didn’t have too many belongings as most of them were still in storage, and would be kept there until she figured out what the hell she was going to do with the multitude of Indian outfits she owned. She tried to calm herself. Time had given her some perspective. If she was going to be his friend, she would be happy for him if he and Mary were getting back together. Hayley would grow up in a two parent household. It was perfect for her. And she deserved the best. 

She arrived at the café, quickly parked, and walked inside. She surveyed the inside for Noah, and found him at the bar. He was chatting with Joe, who spotted her and waved her over. “Hey, beautiful!” he greeted. 

“Oh Joe, you always put a smile on my face!” She grinned as she took a seat next to Noah. “Hi, Noah!” she said brightly, turning to him. 

“Hey Amal,” he said, a little less bright but happy no less. 

“Can I order us something? Let me go—” 

“Noah already ordered and paid. I was just waiting for you to get here,” Joe remarked and excused himself to get her hot chocolate and tartelette. 

“How’s life, Noah?” she asked lightly, angled to him. 

“Life’s good. Got to see my daughter the last two weekends, so everything is as good as can be,” he answered, but seemed distracted. 

“Well, my life is good too. I finally got out of the office before 10 today!”

He joined in her amusement but still seemed distracted. 

“Noah, something wrong?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. 

Joe came back with tea for Noah and a hot chocolate for Amal, along with her tartelette. “Amal, did Noah tell you the good news? He had some fairly civil conversations with Mary this week!”

She turned a wide smile to him. “That’s amazing! Congratulations, Noah! Maybe you won’t need those lawyers after all!” _You’re doing great_ . _Keep it up._

He shrugged. “Today was a pretty shitty conversation though. She’s just so… mean.”

“Oh man, Noah. I’m so sorry.”

“Yea, Noah. I’m so sorry. Whatever she said, it’s not true!” Amal added. 

“She accused me of emotionally cheating on her…” he trailed off. 

“What the fuck is that?” Joe spit out. “That’s ridiculous!”

Amal was more careful. She knew exactly what that was. “Did she tell you why she thinks that?”

“Apparently, she went through my phone and saw my texts with you…” he trailed off and met Amal’s eyes. They were sad. 

“But Noah! There’s nothing wrong with our texts. Joe, look, she’s making this shit up, look!” Amal took out her phone, opened her texts with Noah and showed them to Joe. 

He skimmed them. “There’s nothing here that I would consider any sort of cheating. She’s insane, Noah.”

“She says that until she’s convinced that I’m not cheating on her, that she’ll keep Hayley.”

 _What a bitch_. “Wow, Noah. I’m so sorry.” Amal placed a hand slowly on Noah’s arm. There was that spark again, but he looked so forlorn that she immediately dismissed it. 

Joe went to help some customers and Noah and Amal drank in silence. “Amal, I don’t know what’s wrong with her. Why is she doing this?”

“Honestly, Noah? She has some deep seated insecurities. That and she may have figured out that we used to date and now we’ve you know… become friends and it’s freaking her out. But still, this is a crazy reaction. She’s using your daughter like a poker chip.”

“It pisses me the hell off,” he said quietly, his voice angry. 

“It pisses me off too,” Amal added. 

They were quiet again. 

“What do I do, Amal? How am I supposed to convince her of something that’s not happening?”

“Well, perhaps if you…” I was reminded of Friends. “If you promise not to see me or communicate with me anymore…”

His gaze snapped to hers. “What do you mean? That’s just—”

“Noah, I’m moving this weekend,” she interrupted him. He didn’t say anything. “So, since I’m moving, it’ll be easier to do the whole promise not to see me or communicate with me thing.” 

He nodded slowly. “This is short notice.” He wasn’t looking at her. 

“Well, they had told me that it would be either at the end of January or middle of February, and so this falls in the timeline.” She was babbling. He had a blank look on his face, and it made her nervous. She leaned forward and put a hand on his shoulder again. “Noah, everything will work out,” she reassured him. “Just give it some time.”

He met her eyes, and again, they were blank. It puzzled her. “Sure.”

They finished their drinks in silence. She checked her watch. 11:45. This wasn’t how she had wanted her last night with Noah to go. In actuality, she didn’t know how she had wanted it to go. She had never imagined it. She had never thought of it as a possibility before. In fact, the entire last couple of months were so unexpected, she hardly thought them real. “Noah, it’s getting late. I have to pack.” She started to stand up, and he stood up wordlessly next to her. “Noah, are you ok?” She was getting increasingly worried about him. At least he hadn’t been drinking today. 

He met her eyes. They seemed more present. “Of course. Let me walk you.”

Amal nodded. “Hey Joe, I’m moving to New York on Wednesday.” Joe shot a surprised look at Noah, then at Amal. 

“What? So soon?”

Amal nodded. “They do it like this sometimes when there’s high demand. But it’s a great opportunity.”

He smiled. “Well, then I’ll see you around Amal. Go kick some lawyer ass!” 

Amal laughed and gave him a quick hug over the bar, or tried to. She wasn’t very successful but he got the message. “See you around, Joe!”

Noah and Amal exited the café. The night was much more mild tonight. In fact, it was almost plain pleasant. They walked silently to her car. Once they reached, she paused before reaching for the door handle. Amal turned to him, not meeting his eyes. “Noah, I—”

“Don’t leave,” he whispered. Amal’s gaze snapped up to meet his. His eyes were full of emotion. Anger, sadness, more anger. He roughly pulled Amal into a hug. She inhaled his scent. _Dammit, it was the same. This was the same thing. God, no, please, don’t let it be the same._ “Don’t. Don’t do this to me, again,” he whispered harshly against her ear, his breath wreaking havoc on her senses. 

“Noah, please, I have to go—”

“Just like you had to 10 years ago?” he demanded, still hugging her, clutching her. 

She pushed against his arms, incensed. “This is not the same thing! Noah, let me go!” she protested, upset, feeling the tears rise. Tears of anger. How could he throw that in her face? He didn’t let go. Instead, he clutched her tighter. 

“Please,” he breathed, his voice sad now. She stopped struggling. 

“Noah, please don’t do this to me. I have to do this, I have to go,” she whispered, covering her face to hide her tears, leaning against his chest. 

“You're crying, why are you crying? If you don’t want to leave, then don’t.”

 _God, it’s the same thing he said last time._ “Noah,” she began. She tried to take a deep breath to calm herself. “Noah, you’re just feeling like this because of what Mary said.”

He didn’t say anything. In fact, his hold loosened somewhat. She took the opportunity to back up and be able to look into his eyes. It pained her. “Noah, it’s not the same as last time. You have a family. You have a shot at rebuilding your family. Look, it sounds like you can have your family back if… you know… I’m not in the picture. And it’s perfect. I’m leaving. You get to build your life, and I do too. It’s a good thing. It’s not the same as last time. Not at all.” She didn’t know if she was trying to convince him or herself. 

He searched her eyes. He used a finger to wipe a tear from her cheek. “Then, why are you crying?”

She shook her head. “Just going to miss, Houston, is all,” she lied. She thought she had lied convincingly. 

“I call bull, Amal.” He held her face in his hands and leaned in close, so close. That damned spark. It was making her breath hitch in her throat, making her hands shake. She clasped them together to hide the shaking from him. “Why are you lying to me?” he whispered, his breath on her lips. 

She closed her eyes, steeling her resolve. “I’m not,” she protested, her voice hard. 

His lips touched hers. Ghosted over her lips, so very softly. So soft, she could’ve imagined it. He pulled his lips away and pressed his forehead to hers. “Tell me the truth.”

She struggled to think. His hands had dropped from her face, and found hers, fisted by her sides. “I-I’m going to miss my sister and the babies,” she began, squeezing her eyes shut. She was not going to tell him that she was crying because of what could have been. She was crying because she wouldn’t see him again. She was crying because she missed his touch and his smell and his voice so badly. She was crying because she didn’t have a time machine. And she was crying because she had let this happen all over again. She was leaving him. Again. He was hurting. Again. 

He didn’t say anything for so long. They stood there, their foreheads touching, their eyes closed, their breath commingling. He held her hands in his own. He intertwined his fingers in hers and she squeezed them, relishing the feeling of his warmth. Her tears had stopped. Her senses were returning, and all she could think about was how good he smelled, how warm his lips had been, how safe she had felt in his embrace. And how much she wanted that again. She wanted it so badly. That damned spark. 

“Noah,” she began, and he lifted his forehead from hers. He had opened his eyes, and he looked like he had recovered some semblance of control as well. “God, Noah, I’ve missed you so much that it hurts but I can’t. I won’t be a home wrecker. You have a beautiful daughter.”

She couldn’t have him. He was someone else’s. 

She teared up, her resolve to not tell him the truth, crumbling. “And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished that you chased me, and rescued me. And I can’t tell you how much I wish I could go back in time. And it hurts, so bad. And I just, I can’t, with you. I—“ her voice cracked as tears spilled onto her cheeks again. 

“Come here,” he whispered, her tears killing him. He hugged her close, and she hugged him back desperately. . “I’m sorry, Amal,” he let out in a low voice, caressing her back to try to soothe her. “I’m so sorry I did this.”

“I’m so sorry, Noah, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed into his chest. “I messed it all up. I messed up everything.”

“Sh sh, you didn’t mess up anything. Amal, hun, you didn’t mess up anything. Look at me.” 

She looked up at him, blinking away tears. “I promise, Amal. You didn’t mess up anything.”

She sniffed. “I don’t believe you.”

“Trust me. I’m a doctor,” he joked and she choked out a tearful laugh. “Listen to me, Amal. I know why you couldn’t let go. It’s this guilt you’ve been carrying around. You need to let it go. It’ll consume you.” When she opened her mouth to argue, he put a finger to her lips. “You need to let it go. The best thing that ever happened to me happened because you left. Hayley. So listen to me, please don’t feel guilty. At all.” He lowered his finger from her lips. 

She took a shaky breath and nodded. 

“Now, you knocked some sense into me. And for that, I am so grateful, Amal.” He backed out of her hug. She was cold. He leaned over her and opened her driver’s side door. “I’m sorry I made this harder for you. But, you need to get going. You’re going to go kick some lawyer ass.”

She paused. 

“Go on, Amal.”

She hesitantly stepped into her car. “Noah?”

“Yes?” Somehow, his eyes seemed more content. There was no hint of the anger that she had seen earlier.

She smiled a small smile at him. “I’ll see you around.”

He smiled back at her. “Yes. I’ll see you around.” 

She pulled the door shut and turned on the car. He walked backward away from her car, and she continued to watch him. He turned after a few steps, and walked to his own car. “I love you, Noah,” she whispered to his retreating form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I have a potential happy ending in the works with some completely over the top and needless smut. Sure to put a smile on your face. Hit that kudos button!


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